Frostbite
Jan 21 2012, 12:33 pm
By: ToA  

Jan 21 2012, 12:33 pm ToA Post #1

Que Sera, Sera.

It's almost a chill,
a body chill,
like a draft that bothers you,
but not enough to worry about.

A strong sense of confidence,
belief in yourself and endeavors yet to be,
words connect with ease,
thoughts flow with incredible accuracy,
any mistake is corrected in a short second
and it's existence is forgotten like a bad moment in your past.

Nervous energies,
focus, focus, focus,
project, projected,
understood,
and done.

It's a chill,
a sharp one,
now a stone,
worn out, in fear,
a fleeting feeling,
but it's not real.

It's a chill.




Jan 21 2012, 11:42 pm ClansAreForGays Post #2



Good. First time I've liked anything you've done.




Feb 17 2012, 3:30 pm Dapperdan Post #3



The fourth stanza/verse is by far the best.

The second stanza is wordy and lines 3-4 aren't that interesting. "In your past" is redundant.

Third stanza is my least favorite.

I would cut the second line of the first stanza.

I would get rid of the fifth stanza.

The more sparse and imagistic this poem is, the better it will work. Try cutting down on your adjectives.



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[03:07 pm]
NudeRaider -- time capsule? you don't talk to 90s kids outside of SEN?
[01:57 pm]
Oh_Man -- SEN is kinda like, a place wher u can be pretty much gauranteed u talking to a millenial, prob born around the early 1990s, its like a time capsule
[01:05 pm]
NudeRaider -- well he is calling himself weirdo...
[03:25 am]
Symmetry -- the best part is that he perfectly summed up SEN's discord
[03:12 am]
Ultraviolet -- WeirdoX4857
WeirdoX4857 shouted: Nigga how you ask is it still going strong when you get a text every 3 miles per hour or something
Joined: Yesterday, 12:08 pm Last Active: Yesterday, 12:14 pm , truly a glorious 6 minutes.
[03:11 am]
Ultraviolet -- :lol:
[2026-9-29. : 2:43 am]
Symmetry -- I'm doing my best, damn it
[2026-9-28. : 4:46 pm]
Ultraviolet -- @:@
@:@ shouted: this community still going strong?
Still going.. strong is debatable though.
[2026-9-28. : 4:13 pm]
WeirdoX4857 -- I can't believe this is really been around since 2003 but it does look classic and old asf still better than talking to kids on discord ranting about skibidi toilet and sexuality or whatever mental illness is going on in their heads
[2026-9-28. : 4:11 pm]
WeirdoX4857 -- Nigga how you ask is it still going strong when you get a text every 3 miles per hour or something
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