I read it. It felt a bit dry at times when you were talking about the WF and IU stuff.

Kay's imagination is disturbing. Also, is there artificial gravity in those Stations? How is there a 9th floor to fall from.

Here's a couple mistakes I found:

There are some issues with the varying voice and pace that I noticed... It just doesn't have flow, it seemed too rushed. Also, the voice is mostly flat third-person, with a few off-hand (comic?) comments, which kind of bothered me. It needs to have one of the two styles, or be blended a little better, or it just sounds schizophrenic.

Well, using the first chapter for an example, the first paragraph was good, it had a lot of imagery and it wasn't just rushing through things by saying, "This isn't Earth". But then, in the second paragraph, you suddenly get shoved into superspeed history lesson, with some things that could use some more explaining (Who is Edward J. Telon, besidse that guy who came up with space stations? What ever happened to the third World War?) It just doesn't have a whole lot of detail about what's going on from there on, until the first few paragraphs of the second chapter. Notice that in published novels, there are times when things move fast (i.e. major events) and when things are slower, detailed, deliberate (i.e. lulls, or the plot building scenes between the major events), but hardly anything goes unexplained. I found that in my earlier writings, things would move fairly quickly, which seems a bit awkward reading it now, but I'm fixing that in my current things. Should I post some of it so you can get an idea of what I'm talking about?

People said that the earth would be uninhabitable, littered with waste and radiation.

Of coarse. I'd love to see some examples. As I said, this is only a first draft, but I just saw some potential in the story so I decided to run with it and do some mock chapters.
Also, How do you feel about the chapter headings?

[Edit] As an after thought, Kasis, you said the history was rather dry, but I thought I hurried it along enough for it not to detract from any non-history buffs. Do you just not like history in general, or do you agree with Fatal and think it would be more enjoyable with more details?

[Edit #2]
Do I use a comma or a semicolon? lol I sorta have bad writing skills, but I have a story I wanna tell haha.

I'd probably use a hyphen, if not the comman is alright. It really doesn't matter. A semicolon definitely doesn't go there -- semicolon's usually separate what would normally be two sentences when you want to keep the clauses more closely related. "Littered with waste and radiation" would not be its own sentence. I think it would sound better like this though: "People said that the earth would be littered with waste and radiation. An uninhabitable badlands." Now, the second sentence is a fragment, but that's not something I would care about. I don't know if you would.

Semicolon, and have the history of what happened slowly revealed throughout the story. I'll attach some examples of rushed and... Not so rushed in a minute.

Here is an example of rushing. Attached is a piece of the zeroth chapter of what I'm doing now, and it flows a bit better.

In my writing, I like to integrate the background information into a more interesting scene. If you just give straight background information, it just makes it seem a little like a school textbook, it's just spoon feeding the reader information in a rather, as Kaias said, dry way. So, instead of saying something like, 'The war ended 20 years ago', I would prefer something along the lines of, '"Can you imagine what would've happened had there never been a war?" she asked with a mellow, depressed sort of tone as she stared off into the air.'

Better yet, can I do a limited third person around 2 or 3 central subjects? or would that get too confusing to the reader? I just feel that would fit the story better.

As for voice, it really depends on what you're comfortable with, your style, and your intentions. If you're going to stick with third person, I would leave the funny side-comments to the characters, and definitely maintain a level of professionalism in the intonation. I much prefer the first-person perspective, but that's just my style. I like to explore around in the main character's head, think of not my story, but his story, the one that shapes who he is, then write my story through that filter. I like a lot of depth in my characters. Again, though, that's just my style. Write a variety of things and figure out how you like doing it best. Many authors think that first-person is a lot harder than third, though, so remember that.

Yeah you can use it Jello. That was why I told you what I thought sounded better in the first place.

I still haven't read your story yet, but I'll get around to it eventually.

Ok thanks ya kay is supposed to be depressed and disturbed due to being an orphan.

oh most of those errors just needed some proof reading, thanks:) (lol caveman?)

So the purpose of WF and IU is to set up a deeper story about Earth because Kay can't remember. Wanna take this to pm's and we can co-write? Ill tell you the plot I have so far

Ok so I'll work on adding a little something before the war story so it isn't just thrown at the reader. And ya I wanna stick to third. First seems too restricted to one character whereas for this story, I would prefer an all encompassing, "omnipotent" view.

Well the whole thing is subject to change, so it might even be best if you wait a bit so I can post my updates and share the next chapter idea.

If you've ever read a book from the Pendragon series, you'll notice that it switches between third and first-person views depending on the characters it's following.

Someone else who has read the Pendragon series? =O And to note, they switch very effectively and smoothly.