THERE IS ONE THING TO BE DONE. STACY MUST BE SAVED. GRAB YOUR SWISS ARMY KNIFE AND RUN INTO THE MONSTER'S GULLET, FIND STACY, AND CUT YOUR WAY OUT!
Or you'll never get lucky.
>Command not find: There is no SWISS ARMY KNIFE! There is no STACEY!
Level up your SWAGGER. View ATTRIBUTES.

Relatively ancient and inactive
Then you must drag out her remains, or you'll never get lucky. Look around the room for something that can be used to cut the monster from the inside.
None.
Level up your SWAGGER. View ATTRIBUTES.
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Field of Study: Psychology
Aspirations: Better the world
Usual Mood: Melancholy
Name: TANYA
(out of a cap of 15)
LUCK RATING: 4
PERSONALITY: 9
INTELLIGENCE: 4
CONFIDENCE: 2
STAMINA: 5
AWARENESS: 3
SWAGGER: 5
KARMIC ALIGNMENT: Neutral(+/- 0)
GOOD DEEDS: 0
BAD DEEDS: 0
RTARD: 0
SMART: 0
REPUTATION: Lady Friend (+ 2)
GRADES: 3.8 GPA
CURRENT INVENTORY: You've been ROBBED by the HEADMISTRESS! You don't have an INVENTORY!
Then you must drag out her remains, or you'll never get lucky. Look around the room for something that can be used to cut the monster from the inside.
Using your BARE HANDS, all the SWAGGER you can muster and a little bit of LIQUID COURAGE, you manage to RIP OPEN the FIEND! STACEY has not been entirely devoured, but she is MOSTLY DEAD. You can REBUILD HER, though, if you store her PROPERLY and QUICKLY.
Store STACEY in your
INVENTORY...
arms... place that she could possibly be STORED in.
Look for a place to store her
in my pants
Currently Working On:
Myself
Look for a place to store her in my pants
You don't have anyplace to STORE HER except for perhaps by wrapping her HEART or BRAIN in your SHIRT and hoping you make it someplace in TIME. Your SHIRT will only hold one or the other - which do you choose?
Where is the rest of her body? Can't we put whichever one we don't choose with the rest of her body?
Currently Working On:
Myself
Where is the rest of her body? Can't we put whichever one we don't choose with the rest of her body?
The rest of her BODY is MANGLED and almost entirely BEYOND RECOGNITION in the BELLY of the now dead FIEND.
So can we put her mangled body in our inventory? And I'm pretty sure the heart and brain aren't the organs we're looking to save... if you know what I mean...
And by that I mean her vagina, in case I wasn't obviously subtle enough. Vagina.
Currently Working On:
Myself
So can we put her mangled body in our inventory? And I'm pretty sure the heart and brain aren't the organs we're looking to save... if you know what I mean...
And by that I mean her vagina, in case I wasn't obviously subtle enough. Vagina.
You have no INVENTORY! It was STOLEN by the HEADMISTRESS!
I can't make these kinds of big decisions, guys. I'd take her heart, but she could be a vegetable. I'd therefore take her brain, but perhaps she'll never be able to love us.
This is so hard.
That's what she said.
Currently Working On:
Myself

We can't explain the universe, just describe it; and we don't know whether our theories are true, we just know they're not wrong. >Harald Lesch
Take nothing, you disgusting idiots. The headmistress is all we need.
I like where this going!

Let's hunt the headmistress!
Currently Working On:
Myself
You strip off your SHIRT and wrap SANDRA'S BRAIN inside of it. You are ALONE in the DARK CAGE, as the FIEND is now dead by your hand. The AUDIENCE is SILENT, and CANNOT SEE YOU.
INVESTIGATE for some sort of EXIT. If you don't find one, then you're still SHIRTLESS, WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
CHECK for any EXPERIENCE POINTS gained from the kill.
You can just hold down shift to collect the experience points.
"Parliamentary inquiry, Mr. Chairman - do we have to call the Gentleman a gentleman if he's not one?"
RE-ENTER the PIT, emerging VICTORIOUS and HOLD up THE brain.
None.