WARNING: Immature Adult Humor and swearing.
Collapse Box
Egg: A Musical Short
Code
Summary
A factory chicken attempts to find her stolen egg, only to learn that it is food.
Cast
MARIE – A factory hen who wishes to know what happens to her eggs.
LOUISE – Another factory hen, who believes that life in the factory is good.
DOLLY – A hen that does not like confrontation.
NUGGET – A sensitive hen exemplifying the anguish some hens feel.
GEORGE – A cocky rooster who's advances towards Marie allow her to escape the factory.
CHILD – A young boy living on the farm, who leads Marie to the truth.
FARMER – The owner of the farm.
WIFE – The wife of the farmer.
(Scene 1)
MARIE: It's happened again.
An egg has been stolen from inside a pen
what is there to do for this poor little hen!
LOUISE: Aw shut it Marie!
MARIE: But Louise, it is a tragedy!
LOUISE: Every morning!
MARIE: Exactly
LOUISE: Every day!
MARIE: Yes!
LOUISE: And you think we aren't tired of the same old crap?
It's just an egg.
MARIE: It's my egg! It's my baby!
(Singing) I try my best to be,
a loving caring mother,
but it's hard to succeed
cause my life's in the gutter!
I live upon this farm,
or rather factory,
it only does us harm
especially to me
I'm in a cage that hurts my feet,
with crappy food, just shit to eat,
there is no sun, they've burnt my beak
And now they take my eggs!
What more is there to say.
LOUISE: Well actually, you are forgetting.
(Singing) The reasons why you should stop fretting.
Look around what do you see?
Just enhanced security
There are no dangers for us here,
there is no reason for your fear
outside there's weasels, dogs and foxes
we are safe inside our boxes
You need to stop your introspective
look around at more perspectives
in fact compare them in collective
and certainly you'll see!
Your pain is blasphemy.
MARIE: Cant you see
(Singing) I just want to be free.
You cant say that I don’t know
Because this is all we’ve got to show
Cramped in cages and bad food too
I’m sick and depressed, why aren’t you?
Yeah I don’t know what I'm in for
The outside might be cold and bitter,
But I wont let my children die
Because I'm to chicken just to try
LOUISE: oh my dear girl,
(Singing) Your such a fool
Didn’t you ever learn in school?
There’s reasons for cages,
To keep us safe
The outside worlds a nasty place
ok, I haven’t seen it, but how could it be
anything other than bad for me?
Yes we give our eggs and yes we get sick
But I think that’s better than being a lunatic!
CHORUS: We can’t agree
(Singing) It's plain to see
Our friendship isn’t meant to be
We’re just to sides of a moral dilemma
Now listen to what I have to tell ya
One side is right, the other wrong
So which comes first,
The chicken or the egg?
MARIE: but that’s just it I simply don’t care
(Singing) If you call me a loony, at least I dare
To realize the dreams of all the chickens out there.
They are treated badly and pumped full of drugs
Only for big money and government thugs
Who live off of egg whites and chicken McNuggs
But whats more important than nutritional worth
Is freedom for chickens and a life in the earth
Not in boxes at all but down in the dirt
What I want isn’t worth every egg they can sell
So I’ll find a way and a story to tell!
CHORUS: We can’t agree
(Singing) It's plain to see
Our friendship isn’t meant to be
We’re just to sides of a moral dilemma
Now listen to what I have to tell ya
One side is right, the other wrong
So which comes first,
The chicken or the egg?
(Bantering ensues.)
MARIE: I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
LOUISE: Your Piss and whine exists all the time
MARIE: You don't know where our eggs even go
LOUISE: In here it is nice, I don't need your advice
MARIE: but our lives are so inhuman
just get it through your thick bird brain
(Music ends - Nugget starts crying.)
LOUISE: Now look what you've done!
Your such a an ass!
DOLLY: Settle down, I think you both just need to take your minds off things.
Lets think about something nice.
LOUISE: Hey that's an idea! I know exactly what you need!
You need a cock!
MARIE: Oh please. I think I'm quite fine.
HENS: She need's a cock!
MARIE: No I don't think so, I'm really good. No thanks.
HENS: Do it! Do it! Do it!
(George enters.)
GEORGE: How YOU doin?
HENS: Oh George! I heard you this morning!
Your so manly!
I love you!
LOUISE: George this is Marie! I think she needs your assistance.
GEORGE: Oh really?
MARIE: No, I really don't, thank you.
GEORGE: Wanna push out a pullet?
MARIE: What? What is your deal?
(Musical intro.)
GEORGE: When I was in a shell, just a little bitty lad,
(Singing) it was small and it smelled, which made me kind of sad,
so I set up a plan, and I carried it through
to bid this egg ado.
and I kicked and I hit and I even tried to yell,
but nothing proved worthy to break me from my cell.
so I felt like my efforts weren't supporting my plan
and I swore and I thought god damn!
There must be a method to this madness and all
I said as I banged my head against the wall
but I halted as soon as I noticed that my
head banging resulted in a glimpse of the sky.
so continuing to pick and peck at the crack
the shell growing weaker from the force of my attack
I, in fact, was soon among the other livestock
and I did it by myself cause I'm a big black cock.
I'm a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I could get out of my shell,
with no other sort of help,
and I'm such a fucking bad-ass, I'm a big black cock.
MARIE: Wait, that's not a triumph, every chicken has to get out of an egg...
GEORGE: Harrumph!!! Now you listen here miss...
(Singing) the life that I lead is daring and brave,
where dangers are many leading any to their grave
and to say I get by is putting it light
I am a prime example of heroic manly might
Like today when I went to look for some food,
which is something that I quite often have to do
I found some lying in the bin out back
some nice little grits for a light sort of snack
but along came raven who was eying my find
I could tell that he had one thought in his mind
to take my food and to run away
so I stopped him and I yelled Hey!
this is my little snack go and find your own
and he flew away cause I scared him so
I know to defend my food with a squawk,
and I always get my way cause I'm a big black cock.
I'm a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I can eat my meal out back,
even when being attacked,
I am exactly what you need, I am a big black cock.
MARIE: Wait, the dumpster out back? You survive by eating our garbage?
What about a real triumph?
GEORGE: Hmm...
(Singing) I remember enduring a pain such as yours,
locked up in a cage, rules strictly enforced
it was a horrible, troubling place to be thrown,
so I threatened all the workers who wouldn't let me go.
I ruffled up my feathers and I spit out my food
I never gave them pleasure in whatever they would do.
through and through I was tough I was rough I was mean
I wouldn't even lay a single egg for the team.
So a worker came by, who was checking our pens
I could hear him remark and this is what he said
this hen's not a hen, but is really a rooster,
come on guys just give him the booster
so they opened the door by lifting this latch,
moving this pin and then opening the hatch,
and at last I was free from this cage and it's lock,
cause you really can't contain such a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I was once incarcerated,
but became emancipated,
all because, just admit it, I'm a big black cock.
(Music ends.)
MARIE: Wait, it's this lever here? Ugh I just can't reach it.
GEORGE: You know what you need.
LOUISE: Oh, I think she finally see's
GEORGE: C'mon just say it.
LOUISE: Just accept it.
(Marie tries to reach the latch and gives up.)
MARIE: I need a big black cock.
(Musical summation of chorus while everyone laughs.)
GEORGE: Now just let me help you out of there!
MARIE: Yes! And then I'll be free!
DOLLY: No! Not now. There's a worker coming, quick go!
MARIE: Just come back in the morning to open the cage.
GEORGE: Oh try and stop me!
(End of Scene 1)
(Scene 2)
GEORGE (Singing to himself):
Everybody!
Rock your body!
Everybody!
Backstreets back, alright!
MARIE: Hey up here!
GEORGE: My dear henny penny
(George opens the gate.)
MARIE: Ah finally! Now you wait here while I go.... Freshen up.
GEORGE: Yes my love.
(Marie walks off.)
MARIE: Wow! That was easier than I thought, now to find my egg.
(Mono-log) Geez Louise was wrong
I don't see any animals at all
the sky is so blue, and big!
I've never seen anything so big in my life!
This green stuff is so much softer than the wires in my cage,
its almost to good to be true.
There's so much space,
besides the big boxes it look like it goes on forever.
Its almost empty out here
besides that ax thing and what ever its on
I feel so alone, oh, others someone else out here.
Look at that small human.
I wonder if that's a child.
Whats that it's holding
(goes closer for a better look)
MARIE: oh, it looks like food,
(to herself) I'm famished.
(to child.) Hello there!
(Kid turns around, and walks over, holding plate)
MARIE: What a strange person. I've never seen one so small.
(Kid offers Marie something off of the plate)
MARIE: Oh Thank you, Louise is so wrong about this place.
Here they offer you food on a platter.
So tell me have you seen my egg?
*pause* Oh my! This is really tasty.
What is it?
(Kid pulls an egg out of his pocket)
MARIE: What!?
What is this?
Some sort of joke?
(Singing) That didn't just happen, I did not eat
one of my children, it must have been wheat.
It couldn't have been, such a horrible sin,
to eat ones own kin, and think it a treat
it couldn't be egg, I don't want to beg
what was I fed?? just lies and deceit?
I may be an animal,
but I am not a cannibal
and damn you all for tricking me this way
and leading my life into disarray
I'm such a monster, I taste in my mouth,
this foul flavor, the flavor of fowl,
this taste of disgrace,
I can't get it out,
but there is a trace,
almost savory somehow,
it may be an animal
and I may be a cannibal
and damn you all for giving me this taste
even though it was, ok
The smell is like piece of shit,
that's wrapped up in a rose
The feel it gives is sedative,
like a body, comatose,
It looks like a yellow loogie,
snuggled up into a cloud
The taste is like a fresh delight
That makes me sing out loud!
it may be an animal
and I am sure a cannibal
and thank you all for giving me this taste
even though it's great
CHORUS: This flavor must be truly worth
(everybody)All the suffering since our birth,
All the troubles we go through,
are worth it for this awesome food
MARIE: you lock us up as animals,
because were really just cannibals,
and I am just a cannibal through and through!!
Come here farmer,
come here wife,
you give meaning to my life
I will give you my creations,
so you can send them cross the nation,
just so people taste this great food!
FARMER: Damn Chicken escaped the coop.
(Axes Marie's head off.)
(End of Scene 2)
A factory chicken attempts to find her stolen egg, only to learn that it is food.
Cast
MARIE – A factory hen who wishes to know what happens to her eggs.
LOUISE – Another factory hen, who believes that life in the factory is good.
DOLLY – A hen that does not like confrontation.
NUGGET – A sensitive hen exemplifying the anguish some hens feel.
GEORGE – A cocky rooster who's advances towards Marie allow her to escape the factory.
CHILD – A young boy living on the farm, who leads Marie to the truth.
FARMER – The owner of the farm.
WIFE – The wife of the farmer.
(Scene 1)
MARIE: It's happened again.
An egg has been stolen from inside a pen
what is there to do for this poor little hen!
LOUISE: Aw shut it Marie!
MARIE: But Louise, it is a tragedy!
LOUISE: Every morning!
MARIE: Exactly
LOUISE: Every day!
MARIE: Yes!
LOUISE: And you think we aren't tired of the same old crap?
It's just an egg.
MARIE: It's my egg! It's my baby!
(Singing) I try my best to be,
a loving caring mother,
but it's hard to succeed
cause my life's in the gutter!
I live upon this farm,
or rather factory,
it only does us harm
especially to me
I'm in a cage that hurts my feet,
with crappy food, just shit to eat,
there is no sun, they've burnt my beak
And now they take my eggs!
What more is there to say.
LOUISE: Well actually, you are forgetting.
(Singing) The reasons why you should stop fretting.
Look around what do you see?
Just enhanced security
There are no dangers for us here,
there is no reason for your fear
outside there's weasels, dogs and foxes
we are safe inside our boxes
You need to stop your introspective
look around at more perspectives
in fact compare them in collective
and certainly you'll see!
Your pain is blasphemy.
MARIE: Cant you see
(Singing) I just want to be free.
You cant say that I don’t know
Because this is all we’ve got to show
Cramped in cages and bad food too
I’m sick and depressed, why aren’t you?
Yeah I don’t know what I'm in for
The outside might be cold and bitter,
But I wont let my children die
Because I'm to chicken just to try
LOUISE: oh my dear girl,
(Singing) Your such a fool
Didn’t you ever learn in school?
There’s reasons for cages,
To keep us safe
The outside worlds a nasty place
ok, I haven’t seen it, but how could it be
anything other than bad for me?
Yes we give our eggs and yes we get sick
But I think that’s better than being a lunatic!
CHORUS: We can’t agree
(Singing) It's plain to see
Our friendship isn’t meant to be
We’re just to sides of a moral dilemma
Now listen to what I have to tell ya
One side is right, the other wrong
So which comes first,
The chicken or the egg?
MARIE: but that’s just it I simply don’t care
(Singing) If you call me a loony, at least I dare
To realize the dreams of all the chickens out there.
They are treated badly and pumped full of drugs
Only for big money and government thugs
Who live off of egg whites and chicken McNuggs
But whats more important than nutritional worth
Is freedom for chickens and a life in the earth
Not in boxes at all but down in the dirt
What I want isn’t worth every egg they can sell
So I’ll find a way and a story to tell!
CHORUS: We can’t agree
(Singing) It's plain to see
Our friendship isn’t meant to be
We’re just to sides of a moral dilemma
Now listen to what I have to tell ya
One side is right, the other wrong
So which comes first,
The chicken or the egg?
(Bantering ensues.)
MARIE: I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
LOUISE: Your Piss and whine exists all the time
MARIE: You don't know where our eggs even go
LOUISE: In here it is nice, I don't need your advice
MARIE: but our lives are so inhuman
just get it through your thick bird brain
(Music ends - Nugget starts crying.)
LOUISE: Now look what you've done!
Your such a an ass!
DOLLY: Settle down, I think you both just need to take your minds off things.
Lets think about something nice.
LOUISE: Hey that's an idea! I know exactly what you need!
You need a cock!
MARIE: Oh please. I think I'm quite fine.
HENS: She need's a cock!
MARIE: No I don't think so, I'm really good. No thanks.
HENS: Do it! Do it! Do it!
(George enters.)
GEORGE: How YOU doin?
HENS: Oh George! I heard you this morning!
Your so manly!
I love you!
LOUISE: George this is Marie! I think she needs your assistance.
GEORGE: Oh really?
MARIE: No, I really don't, thank you.
GEORGE: Wanna push out a pullet?
MARIE: What? What is your deal?
(Musical intro.)
GEORGE: When I was in a shell, just a little bitty lad,
(Singing) it was small and it smelled, which made me kind of sad,
so I set up a plan, and I carried it through
to bid this egg ado.
and I kicked and I hit and I even tried to yell,
but nothing proved worthy to break me from my cell.
so I felt like my efforts weren't supporting my plan
and I swore and I thought god damn!
There must be a method to this madness and all
I said as I banged my head against the wall
but I halted as soon as I noticed that my
head banging resulted in a glimpse of the sky.
so continuing to pick and peck at the crack
the shell growing weaker from the force of my attack
I, in fact, was soon among the other livestock
and I did it by myself cause I'm a big black cock.
I'm a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I could get out of my shell,
with no other sort of help,
and I'm such a fucking bad-ass, I'm a big black cock.
MARIE: Wait, that's not a triumph, every chicken has to get out of an egg...
GEORGE: Harrumph!!! Now you listen here miss...
(Singing) the life that I lead is daring and brave,
where dangers are many leading any to their grave
and to say I get by is putting it light
I am a prime example of heroic manly might
Like today when I went to look for some food,
which is something that I quite often have to do
I found some lying in the bin out back
some nice little grits for a light sort of snack
but along came raven who was eying my find
I could tell that he had one thought in his mind
to take my food and to run away
so I stopped him and I yelled Hey!
this is my little snack go and find your own
and he flew away cause I scared him so
I know to defend my food with a squawk,
and I always get my way cause I'm a big black cock.
I'm a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I can eat my meal out back,
even when being attacked,
I am exactly what you need, I am a big black cock.
MARIE: Wait, the dumpster out back? You survive by eating our garbage?
What about a real triumph?
GEORGE: Hmm...
(Singing) I remember enduring a pain such as yours,
locked up in a cage, rules strictly enforced
it was a horrible, troubling place to be thrown,
so I threatened all the workers who wouldn't let me go.
I ruffled up my feathers and I spit out my food
I never gave them pleasure in whatever they would do.
through and through I was tough I was rough I was mean
I wouldn't even lay a single egg for the team.
So a worker came by, who was checking our pens
I could hear him remark and this is what he said
this hen's not a hen, but is really a rooster,
come on guys just give him the booster
so they opened the door by lifting this latch,
moving this pin and then opening the hatch,
and at last I was free from this cage and it's lock,
cause you really can't contain such a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I'm a big black cock,
I was once incarcerated,
but became emancipated,
all because, just admit it, I'm a big black cock.
(Music ends.)
MARIE: Wait, it's this lever here? Ugh I just can't reach it.
GEORGE: You know what you need.
LOUISE: Oh, I think she finally see's
GEORGE: C'mon just say it.
LOUISE: Just accept it.
(Marie tries to reach the latch and gives up.)
MARIE: I need a big black cock.
(Musical summation of chorus while everyone laughs.)
GEORGE: Now just let me help you out of there!
MARIE: Yes! And then I'll be free!
DOLLY: No! Not now. There's a worker coming, quick go!
MARIE: Just come back in the morning to open the cage.
GEORGE: Oh try and stop me!
(End of Scene 1)
(Scene 2)
GEORGE (Singing to himself):
Everybody!
Rock your body!
Everybody!
Backstreets back, alright!
MARIE: Hey up here!
GEORGE: My dear henny penny
(George opens the gate.)
MARIE: Ah finally! Now you wait here while I go.... Freshen up.
GEORGE: Yes my love.
(Marie walks off.)
MARIE: Wow! That was easier than I thought, now to find my egg.
(Mono-log) Geez Louise was wrong
I don't see any animals at all
the sky is so blue, and big!
I've never seen anything so big in my life!
This green stuff is so much softer than the wires in my cage,
its almost to good to be true.
There's so much space,
besides the big boxes it look like it goes on forever.
Its almost empty out here
besides that ax thing and what ever its on
I feel so alone, oh, others someone else out here.
Look at that small human.
I wonder if that's a child.
Whats that it's holding
(goes closer for a better look)
MARIE: oh, it looks like food,
(to herself) I'm famished.
(to child.) Hello there!
(Kid turns around, and walks over, holding plate)
MARIE: What a strange person. I've never seen one so small.
(Kid offers Marie something off of the plate)
MARIE: Oh Thank you, Louise is so wrong about this place.
Here they offer you food on a platter.
So tell me have you seen my egg?
*pause* Oh my! This is really tasty.
What is it?
(Kid pulls an egg out of his pocket)
MARIE: What!?
What is this?
Some sort of joke?
(Singing) That didn't just happen, I did not eat
one of my children, it must have been wheat.
It couldn't have been, such a horrible sin,
to eat ones own kin, and think it a treat
it couldn't be egg, I don't want to beg
what was I fed?? just lies and deceit?
I may be an animal,
but I am not a cannibal
and damn you all for tricking me this way
and leading my life into disarray
I'm such a monster, I taste in my mouth,
this foul flavor, the flavor of fowl,
this taste of disgrace,
I can't get it out,
but there is a trace,
almost savory somehow,
it may be an animal
and I may be a cannibal
and damn you all for giving me this taste
even though it was, ok
The smell is like piece of shit,
that's wrapped up in a rose
The feel it gives is sedative,
like a body, comatose,
It looks like a yellow loogie,
snuggled up into a cloud
The taste is like a fresh delight
That makes me sing out loud!
it may be an animal
and I am sure a cannibal
and thank you all for giving me this taste
even though it's great
CHORUS: This flavor must be truly worth
(everybody)All the suffering since our birth,
All the troubles we go through,
are worth it for this awesome food
MARIE: you lock us up as animals,
because were really just cannibals,
and I am just a cannibal through and through!!
Come here farmer,
come here wife,
you give meaning to my life
I will give you my creations,
so you can send them cross the nation,
just so people taste this great food!
FARMER: Damn Chicken escaped the coop.
(Axes Marie's head off.)
(End of Scene 2)
None.
