i'm working on a hardcore/punk project with a few friends and i'd like some feedback. as much as punctuation may bug you, please refrain from posting about that.

Note: All caps in a song means it's gang vocal yelling. Hard to put it through on paper, but I hope you get the point.

Death Wish
---
No more false hopes, and no more lies
Time to break out and choose your own life
You’ve paid your dues and
chosen the right time

You’re not like them, you step with our stride
Act with pride, for you’ve picked the right side
We’re the ones that have the heart
We’re the ones that take part!

TAKE ACTION!
Against all the lies!
TAKE ACTION!
For the people of today!
TAKE ACTION!
For future generations!
TAKE ACTION!
For all of humanity!

Maybe in time, you’ll realize
No matter the insults and lies
You chose the right path
And your only wish is that other’s follow
---


Sheltered
---
Put others down for your own satisfaction
Build yourself up like a man, and show no compassion
You’re just a waste of being,
Full of hate
Think you’re alright, just fucking wait

You’re running of time,
And your true self hasn’t even seen sunlight
There’s no turning back
From your LIES

Only you know what’s inside
But you keep telling all these lies
FATE WILL TELL
TIME WILL SHOW
Your whole fucking life is breaking in front of your eyes
---

Feedback, C&C, hatemail, and compliments are all welcome.

i can totally see these being songs, i like them a lot, i think death wish is my favorite.

thanks bro.

Not bad but definitely not my style.

I completely understand the style part, every genre has their type of lyrics.

Mine are obviously going to be in your face and angry.

I think this is stated far too literally and plainly. It's just cliche.

and, in 'sheltered' there's a typo: out of* (time)

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Aug 5 2009, 5:03 pm by Dapperdan.

Alright, I'll work on that part.

Thanks, didn't even notice the typo (obviously haha)

I'm big on the first one, I'd like to hear audio of that.

We're going to be in the studio around December because of all of our college schedules, I know it's a long wait haha