I decided to write yet another poem, i'm still fixing it and fixing punctuation, but for me it's probably a first in the story telling poetry area... so review / comments please ;D
Her untimely demise
Of which came to surprise,
Left the crowd ever quiet
Forthcoming the riot.
And still she lay wake
As her hand starts to shake
Oh the sand it does burn
But what did she learn?
Her unruly dark stance
And fear as her lance,
A true sinner at heart
One too eager to start.
A conquest for blood,
Where the last man who stood.
Was to pick his own fate,
to love her or hate?
Thus to live or to suffer
but which end is tougher?
So to murder he chose
and from kneels he arose
The new ruler of land
As her blood stained the sand.
None.
Sounds like someone needs to get better with melee weapons. If you're gonna raise hell do it right. xD
.riney on Discord.
Riney on Steam (
Steam)
@RineyCat on Twitter
Sure I didn't pop off on SCBW like I wanted to, but I won VRChat. Map maker for life.
Call me stupid, but I think your comment made almost no sense what so ever...
None.
Your poem is about a woman who runs out kills all but one and gets herself killed with her own weapon is it not?
.riney on Discord.
Riney on Steam (
Steam)
@RineyCat on Twitter
Sure I didn't pop off on SCBW like I wanted to, but I won VRChat. Map maker for life.
The visual more in my head was a dictator who struck fear into her people and stood over them and after a big gladiator fight the last man standing was to choose to love her and be by her side, or die, but the man considers his options and finds neither of his options to be that great, so by using a blade he opens a new option by killing her and ending her dictatorship, he's the new ruler of the land and if i decided to continue it (which I should probably) then it would go more in depth about why she is sinnister and what the man does when he becomes king, and how power corrupts.
I mean sure it was impossible for you to have the exact same visual as me, but I do see where you're coming from, just... you're wrong
None.
The visual more in my head was a dictator who struck fear into her people and stood over them and after a big gladiator fight the last man standing was to choose to love her and be by her side, or die, but the man considers his options and finds neither of his options to be that great, so by using a blade he opens a new option by killing her and ending her dictatorship, he's the new ruler of the land and if i decided to continue it (which I should probably) then it would go more in depth about why she is sinnister and what the man does when he becomes king, and how power corrupts.
I mean sure it was impossible for you to have the exact same visual as me, but I do see where you're coming from, just... you're wrong
Reminds me of the Kezia album ( Protest the Hero ), where the entire album tells the story of girl named Kezia whos trying to start a revolution or something, she dies in the end though. Out of the 11(i think?) song 3 were about the perspective of a priest,3 of Kezia, and 3 of Kezia's executioner ( forgot what the last song was about).
Point is, you definitely should continue this but maybe from another person perspective? I enjoyed the poem btw. Idk why but its kinda...catchy?
None.
