The Mystery of the Radio Play

Narrator – Once upon a time, there was a studio in the town of Flatland. It
was an ordinary studio, with ordinary people. (Except for Norm, who spent
his time counting the holes in the wall and humming the *1812 Overture*[Cue
1812 Overture]). One morning, as the sun rose, a man at the
before-mentioned studio awoke from a heavy sleep. He wondered, What
happened? Why am I here? He groaned and tried to stand up. Suddenly feeling
very dizzy, he falls backward and hits his head against the wall (Cue
bonk-like sound), knocking him out. This is where our story begins.

(Enter Mr. Tikels and Leeroy)

Mr. Tikels – Sir. Sir, are you alright?

Leeroy – (Groans) Uh... what?

Mr. Tikels – Ah, wonderful! (Claps Hands) The director is awake!

Leeroy – Agh... director... director of what?

Mr. Tikels – Leeroy Jenkins' Studio of the Radio and Storytelling.

Leeroy - Never heard of it. Sounds like a small time kid's nursery.

Mr. Tikels – I see the director's odd sense of humor is well.

Leeroy – Ow... my head hurts like crazy...

Mr. Tikels – Let me see... oh dear, sir, you seem to have bonked your head
quite hard! It's bleeding, let me get some bandages...

Leeroy – Bandages for a head injury? Are you stupid? How would you apply
the bandage through my hair?

Mr. Tikels – Eh... just a precaution, I was making sure that you were
paying attention, sir.

Leeroy – Sure... now, would you please tell me where the exit is?

Mr. Tikels – But you know where that is... oh, I get it. You're doing the
same thing I just did, ha ha!

Leeroy – I'm serious. Where is the door out of this place?

Mr. Tikels – Leeroy... I realize this is a stupid question to ask of you,
but... whats my name?

Leeroy – Of course I know that. It's
get-the-heck-out-of-my-face-and-tell-me-where-the-exit-is.

Mr. Tikels – It's Mr. Tikels...

(Cue creaky door opening sound and footsteps) (Tuxlar enters)

Tuxlar – (On the phone) So I was like, “Who opened the treasure chest, and
he was li-” Oh, hey boss. (Cue hanging up sound)

Leeroy – Boss?

Mr. Tikels – Tuxlar, may I speak with you for a moment?... Outside?

Tuxlar – Sure, whatever.

(Cue two sets of footsteps and creaky door closing sound) (Tuxlar and Mr.
Tikels exit)

Leeroy – (Confused) Wait... that Tuxlar guy looks familiar... don't know
why though.

Narrator – A short while later, Tuxlar and Mr. Tikels come back in with a
small stereo system.

(Cue creaky door opening sound and two sets of footsteps) (Enter Mr. Tikels
and Tuxlar)

Mr. Tikels – Leeroy, I'm going to play some music for you.

Leeroy – You still haven't told me where the exit is.

Mr. Tikels – Not right now, just listen to the music and tell me if you
recognize it.

(Cue theme for Leeroy Jenkin's Studio of the Radio and Storytelling)

Leeroy – (A few seconds after music begins playing) Never heard this before
in my life.

Tuxlar – This is bad.

Mr. Tikels – Very bad indeed.

Leeroy – What's bad?

Tuxlar – The boss lost his memory!

Leeroy – I did?

Mr. Tikels – Apparently so. The question is, what are we going to do about
it?

Leeroy – Don't tell me there's something major happening soon that I need
to do.

Mr. Tikels – Not quite soon, but yes, something major will happen soon.

Leeroy – How major?

Tuxlar – The presidents' coming to our studio, boss.

Leeroy – (Extremely surprised) Whaaaaaaaat? (Dragged out)

Mr. Tikels – He is going to take part in one of our shows.
Leeroy – Where do I come in?

Tuxlar – You guys are gonna do the show together.

Leeroy – Oh... man... but... but...

(Cue Phone Ringing sound)

Mr. Tikels – I'll get it. (Cue picking up phone) Hello?

(Enter President Echo, on the phone)

President Echo – Hello Mr. Tikels, is Mr. Jenkins in?

Mr. Tikels - (Surprised) Oh, hello President Echo. Mr. Jenkins is... not
here at the moment.

President Echo – I see. Would you tell him that I'm going to have to come
early?

Mr. Tikels – (Concerned) How early?

President Echo – I'm very sorry, but I'm going to have to do the show
today, instead of next Thursday like we planned.

Mr. Tikels – (Frustrated) Oh, for the love of... (sighs) Please forgive me,
I lost myself for a moment. When will you get here?

President Echo – In about seven hours, at 2:00 p.m.

Mr. Tikels – Ok, Thank you, Mr. President.

President Echo – Take care, goodbye.

(Cue hanging up sound)

Mr. Tikels – How cliché.

Tuxlar – When's that Echo guy coming?

Mr. Tikels – 2:00 p.m.

Leeroy – What time is it?

Tuxlar – About 7:10 a.m.

Mr. Tikels – I hate coincidences... they all seem to happen at the worst
time possible.

(Cue crashing sound) (Enter Leeroy)
Norm – (muffled) Who put this stool here? I was almost at 2,000!

Tuxlar – (Raised voice) Sorry man, I was napping on that stool.

Norm – (Less muffled) Come on, I almost reached 2,000, and now I have to
start over because I tripped over your stupid stool!

Leeroy – Who's this?

Norm – (Not muffled, syncing words to the 1812 Overture) I'm the man that
you should fear and respect 'cause I'm very, very cool.

Mr. Tikels – Norm, what are you doing here? I thought Leeroy put you on
paid leave.

Norm – My bestest friend Apos told me that you were trying to fire me so I
came back to make sure that didn't happen.

Leeroy – Is he on drugs?

Tuxlar – (laughs) Probably.

Mr. Tikels – Norm, have you taken your pills recently? You know, the ones
that help your brain?

Norm – I have no idea what you are talking about.

(Cue door slam)

Leeroy – What was that?

Mr. Tikels – Odd, why did the door slam itself?

Tuxlar – Nobody’s here but us....

(Enter President Echo)

President Echo – Surprise.

Leeroy – And who are you?

(Cue Hail to the Chief)

President Echo – Ha, I always liked your sense of humor Leeroy.

Norm – Oh… my… I left the sprinklers on at home!

Mr. Tikels – Please restrain yourself, Norm.

Tuxlar – So how’ve you been big boss-man?

President Echo – Well, I just got a new car for my wife.

Leeroy – That’s nice of you.

President Echo – Yep. Best trade I ever made.

Tuxlar – Wait, what?

President Echo – Just kidding! (Cue bad joke sounds) Mr. Tikels, who is
this strange fellow?

Norm – My friend Apos told me that gumdrops are illegal in some countries.

Mr. Tikels – (Nervous) Ah, that’s Norm… he’s a bit… unstable.

Tuxlar – You don’t know the half of it.

Norm – (Sudden realization) OH. OH. OH. YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT. I GET IT NOW.

Leeroy – Something’s wrong.

President Echo – What might that be?

Leeroy – I can’t remember anything. I have amnesia.

President Echo – Just ask the audience, they’ll know what to do.

Mr. Tikels – What audience?

President Echo – The one listening to us right now, Mr. Tikels.

(Cue duh-duh-duh-DUHHHH)