You're Just Jealous Cause I�m Young And In Love (With You) (Topic)

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You're Just Jealous Cause I�m Young And In Love (With You)

Apr 11 2008, 1:43 am
By:

ToA

Pages: 1

Apr 11 2008, 1:43 am

ToA Post #1

Que Sera, Sera.

You're Just Jealous Cause I�m Young And In Love (With You)
working title, suggestions?

Let me ask you how you feel today,
Let me ask you if your day went right.
Let me promise you I�ll always stay,
Let me watch you break my heart tonight.

Let me walk around your hand in mine,
Please hold me close in your heart.
You know I think about you all the time,
Come back to me cause leaving you is way to hard.

And I feel so heart broken, tonight
And I feel so bad I cannot stand.
I need my bed, to rest my head.
And I need some help, cause you put me through hell.
I don�t think you realize just how much I love you. (Bad you make me feel)

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Apr 11 2008, 3:42 am by ToA.

Apr 11 2008, 2:16 am T-MaStAA Post #2

Seems to me like its just your average emo styled love song. Sorry but I don't see much creativity in this piece nor do I feel moved at all by the lyrics.

None.

Apr 11 2008, 2:20 am

Dapperdan Post #3

For the title: I suggest you learn grammar. You're*

None.

Apr 11 2008, 3:44 am

ToA Post #4

Que Sera, Sera.

Quote from T-MaStAA

Seems to me like its just your average emo styled love song. Sorry but I don't see much creativity in this piece nor do I feel moved at all by the lyrics.

Well, It's not emo, nothing i make i classify as emo.

It's a Breakup song / Love song.

Breakup songs may seem sad, cause breaking up is sad. Even if its overdramatic, it can be.

Apr 11 2008, 4:46 am

Excalibur Post #5

The sword and the faith

Its like what would happen if Copeland tried to write a song while drunk and half asleep. Id give it a 2/10 for having nothing overly unique, special, or moving about it.

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Apr 11 2008, 7:04 pm

Dapperdan Post #6

Actually, the first verse isn't that bad. However, I don't like the last two verses at all.

None.

Apr 12 2008, 2:12 am

Phobos Post #7

Are you sure about that?

Okay... But, let us be more, helpful? Bashing leads nowhere... I admit there are things that you could improve from the first paragraph on...
- Sidenote
I am no expert musician or anything, even more when it comes down to this kind of lyrics... Just my point of view.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Apr 12 2008, 2:19 am by Phobos.

this is signature

Apr 12 2008, 2:16 am

Hug A Zergling Post #8

Sorry, but I can't read lyrics without listening to some sorta beat, or tune. It could be a great song, but mite sound wierd when just reading lyrics.

None.

Apr 12 2008, 4:52 am

DT_Battlekruser Post #9

Quote from

Dapperdan

Actually, the first verse isn't that bad. However, I don't like the last two verses at all.

Aha, I can finally say something other than "this sucks" and be constructive! I agree with you; the first verse is the only even plausible one since it is firmly trochaic, rather than lacking any kind of meter. Lyrics are just poetry with chords, after all.

None.

Apr 12 2008, 5:57 am

ToA Post #10

Que Sera, Sera.

Quote from

Hug A Zergling

Sorry, but I can't read lyrics without listening to some sorta beat, or tune. It could be a great song, but mite sound wierd when just reading lyrics.

Recording a demo of it right now.

Apr 17 2008, 9:35 pm candle12345 Post #11

Quote from

Phobos

Okay... But, let us be more, helpful? Bashing leads nowhere... I admit there are things that you could improve from the first paragraph on... - Sidenote I am no expert musician or anything, even more when it comes down to this kind of lyrics... Just my point of view.

Bashing: OH MY GAWD YOU SUX0rz EMO FUCKTURD WHO CAN'T RIGHT FOR SHIT OMFG GET OUT
Us: Hmm, I don't like it too much, it seems rather 'emo', and it doesn't actually say much to me.

My opinion, is 'meh'.
Try writing an instrumental song, no need for lyrics, especially if you aren't the best at them.

None.

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