Staredit Network > Forums > Media, Art, and Literature > Topic: Confessions of a Doughnut Store Employee
Confessions of a Doughnut Store Employee
Aug 29 2014, 7:52 pm
By: rayNimagi  

Aug 29 2014, 7:52 pm rayNimagi Post #1



The story


About




Win by luck, lose by skill.

Aug 30 2014, 11:18 am Sand Wraith Post #2

she/her

Good story, I liked the speculation on the new normal. intro good. Conclusion good. I feel that there is an inconsistency presented by the use of "That Saturday". If Scott passed away very recently to lung cancer, I would imagine that he would not have been at the doughnut store so recently relative to when his wife came in. The language used implies that the time lapse was at most a week between his last visit and his wife's visit. The inconsistently spdcifically arises from the speculation that the lung cancer would have rendered him bed-ridden. Would you kind explaining?




Aug 30 2014, 7:25 pm rayNimagi Post #3



Thanks for your advice!

I should have mentioned Scott was weak and could barely walk the last time he came in. Also, now that I think more about it, I should insert a month or two between his last visit and when his wife comes in. I think that would make more sense.



Win by luck, lose by skill.

Aug 30 2014, 9:09 pm Sand Wraith Post #4

she/her

Quote from rayNimagi
Thanks for your advice!

I should have mentioned Scott was weak and could barely walk the last time he came in. Also, now that I think more about it, I should insert a month or two between his last visit and when his wife comes in. I think that would make more sense.

I think that would help a lot. Additionally, it might be helpful to look up how long it takes for lung cancer to progress to a lethal stage.




Options
  Back to forum
Please log in to reply to this topic or to report it.
Members in this topic: None.
[2026-4-26. : 1:58 pm]
lil-Inferno -- ya
[2026-4-25. : 11:50 pm]
JamaL -- Glad to see SEN will never die. Kudos to whoever is paying the hosting fees these days!
[2026-4-25. : 3:37 pm]
NudeRaider -- (-.-,)
[2026-4-25. : 3:35 pm]
Zoan -- ;o I thought that was a monkey emote
[2026-4-25. : 3:34 pm]
Zoan -- :mods:
[2026-4-25. : 3:34 pm]
Zoan -- :mods"
[2026-4-25. : 3:20 pm]
NudeRaider -- Vrael
Vrael shouted: moderation? on SEN? in 2026? completely localized in anoeth47's topic? at this time of year?
boy, if you're not careful I'll moderate your sorry ass too!
[2026-4-25. : 3:06 pm]
RIVE -- Yyyes. Don't you see it?
[2026-4-25. : 2:11 pm]
Vrael -- moderation? on SEN? in 2026? completely localized in anoeth47's topic? at this time of year?
[2026-4-25. : 1:39 pm]
NudeRaider -- anoeth47
anoeth47 shouted: Can I get a moderator/lord of the forum to clean up my topics - delete posts not really part of the topic.
send me the links of the posts you want deleted via pm
Please log in to shout.


Members Online: DarkenedFantasies