Critique me
Dec 13 2012, 7:29 am
By: LoveLess  

Dec 13 2012, 7:29 am LoveLess Post #1

Let me show you how to hump without making love.

For some reason I have felt like writing again. I was never good at it, but it helps when my mind is racing.

As we dig out towards space
Growing ever closer to reaching the stars
Sparking this interest that goes beyond any one race
Without end, pouring in countless hours
In the hope of that one great discovery
Something greater than ourselves
For some, to defy the tutelage of any monastery
While most, just want to find those unforeseen conclaves
Cluttered with unknowns
No matter how foreign or majestic
This drive that is engraved into our bones
Leaving us into a state that is nothing but caustic

Now all you need to do is help it to catch fire
Let that deep-down desire burn freely
Watch it grow into something we can admire
Something that we leave behind for our children to experience compulsively



None.

Dec 13 2012, 8:31 am jjf28 Post #2

Cartography Artisan

A
B
A
B
C
D
C monastery doesn't quite rhyme with discovery
D nor does conclaves to ourselves
G
H
G
H almost rhymes with majestic

J
K
J
K

Not bad, love the opening imagery, but if you ask me the slight errors in your rhyming scheme are holding it back.



TheNitesWhoSay - Clan Aura - github

Reached the top of StarCraft theory crafting 2:12 AM CST, August 2nd, 2014.

Dec 13 2012, 3:38 pm Fire_Kame Post #3

wth is starcraft

Oooo I love poems with imagery. The rhyme scheme didn't bother me, but I'm not as literal or into the technical aspects of it....I think loose rhyming opens the poem up to better interpretation.




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[12:32 pm]
Oh_Man -- yea APM vs eAPM
[08:48 am]
NimoStar -- plus most of the human APM is just spam clicking APM inflation
[08:47 am]
NimoStar -- the thing with the "*12" thing is completely misleading. The AI isn't using two control groups, it can use each of those actions to command a single unit individually and issue different commands to each single unit.
[08:06 am]
NudeRaider -- NudeRaider
NudeRaider shouted: Oh_Man Artosis hasn't caught on how devastating the perfect focus fire is. With the mutas he was like "the Mutas always seem to have less hp than against a human". But he didn't notice that the flock he had selected always just had one muta that was hurt. Same with the wraiths here. He's talking about how valks+wraith is gonna destroy Pluto's valks, then 5s later he's dumbfounded the human player's air is just gone and he never figured out why. And for some reason didn't even think to go back and look at the battle.
*Pluto's wraiths
[08:05 am]
NudeRaider -- Oh_Man Artosis hasn't caught on how devastating the perfect focus fire is. With the mutas he was like "the Mutas always seem to have less hp than against a human". But he didn't notice that the flock he had selected always just had one muta that was hurt. Same with the wraiths here. He's talking about how valks+wraith is gonna destroy Pluto's valks, then 5s later he's dumbfounded the human player's air is just gone and he never figured out why. And for some reason didn't even think to go back and look at the battle.
[02:18 am]
Oh_Man -- Close enuf
[2026-9-21. : 4:14 pm]
Vrael -- perhaps there is a small professional player trapped in a box in the server rack where pluto is running? hmm?
[2026-9-21. : 4:14 pm]
Vrael -- 240*12*2 is 5760, where is the other 240 APM?
[2026-9-21. : 3:44 pm]
Oh_Man -- 1 action is selecting the unit and another action is moving it
[2026-9-21. : 2:58 pm]
Vrael -- 240*12 is 2880, where is the other 3000 APM?
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