Well, I recently attempted suicide, was saved by paramedics, then cheated on by my girlfriend who's the only person I (used to) fully trust, so my phyciatrist decided a journal would be helpful in dealing with everything, because I have a lot of anger/guilt/self-hatred/you name it. Anyways, I've always been a fairly artistic person, and I enjoy writing generally, so I thought I'd do the cliche thing and write depressive, angsty poetry. I'll make a post in this thread for new ones, because I don't want to litter the mostly-dead Media, Art, and Literature forum. I know it's awful, but I'd appreciate any advice (artistic or otherwise). And no, I'm not trolling. Anyways, prepare to have your eyes bleed.


"I Am" or "Illusions"


I know, I'm horrible. Any advice? Or rant freely, if you will. I hate myself more than you do.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Nov 3 2010, 11:33 pm by BiOAtK.

/applause

>For what am I?
>For what am I doing this for?

>For whom am I?
>For whom am I doing this for?

Nice.

> Bleak, uncaring?
Shouldn't "uncaring" be on the next line? If it were consistent with the first verse, it would be sweet.

Good use of repetition. The slight changes in each reiteration places emphasis on the monotony of the perspective of the writer.

Recurring themes of illusion and worth of external and internal aspects.

Cool visual structure.

Bravo.

--My thoughts.

EDIT:

Good rhythm too, IMO. Was fun to say.

Man, I should post my emo stuff too.

Feel free to. I'll judge them and accept them, and probably get more angsty thinking about the points they bring up. And indeed, I was trying to invoke the dull, monotonous, hopelessness of the writer.
And about the "uncaring" thing: I actually wrote it like you said, I just typed it in wrong thanks for pointing that out.

Edit:
I also will be probably putting up all my journal entries on LiveJournal or something sometime, and will let anyone read them if they so wish.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Nov 3 2010, 11:43 pm by BiOAtK.